Holiday Seasonings 2000
My steamed fellow Amurkins:
This is the time of year when everyone cerebriates Christmas, rejoins in merriment, and puts delicious food on their families. For my part, I would like to thank each and every one of you who voted for me so that I could lose the election and steal it anyway with some help from my little brother, his weird-looking girlfriend Katherine, my dad's cronies, and the good people of the Supreme Court. I even like the black guy on the Supreme Court. He don't talk much, but he's cool with me. Speaking of black people, I'm quite fondle of a few of them. I already installed two into my cabaret -- I mean, my cabinet. When I first heard the name "Condoleezza Rice," I thought it was one of those tasteful Tex-Mex dishes at Chevy's that I like so much. But it turned out to be the name of the only black woman in the whole world who likes me and thinks I have any business being anywhere near the White House. She even said I looked "marvelously presidential" to some guy on TV after my second debate with that loser, Al Gore. And speaking of Al Gore, I kicked his ass!! Who's so smart now, Mr. Lockbox? Mr. "I'm More Intelligiblent Than You!"? Huh?! I can't HEAR you…
Well, I gotta get going. My boss, Dick Cheney, is waiting for me to sign some president-y papers so that we can commiserate the process of handing over your hard-earned money to the rich white people in this great nayshun of ours. If I keep him waiting any longer, he'll prolly have another heart attack. (He's a wuss, what can I say. But Dad says he's very smart, so I gotta do what he tells me to.)
God bless you, and God bless Amurika, the only place in the world where a drunken, coke-snorting, moronic degenerate like myself can rise to the highest orifice in the land.
Copyright © 2000 Mariva H. Aviram. All rights reserved.